I made a mistake.
Thinking I could write this post in the few days I had before my other blog disappears, my self-imposed deadline.
I started several drafts. Several versions. Each with a different spin. Different tone.
What to say? How to say it? My perfectionism was rearing its ugly head and leaving me tongue-tied. Because I knew that this might be my last post. My final words as Waisting Time. Maybe as a blogger, period.
My heart told me that I owe you something. My faithful readers. My remaining followers. That, at a minimum, I should share what’s going on with me now. Or, maybe I should document how I’ve changed in the three-plus years since I started blogging. And NOT changed. Writer’s block ensued. Aaaack.
And self-doubt set in. Did anyone care? What would they want to read about, if anything?
Yes, this is how it went. As I tried another draft. Another approach. As I walked away from the keyboard.
So, I decided that I’d leave it up to you. Tell me what you want to know. Ask questions. I’ll either answer in the comments below or via email or, maybe, just maybe, in a future post. And, if you hope I write more, subscribe to THIS blog and maybe I’ll pop back up.
But one thing I will share, as someone who started blogging in a final act of yo-yo dieter desperation, because I feel inquiring minds might actually want to know… I weigh less now than I did when I started blogging. I am, in theory, maintaining. I am, if one doesn’t split hairs, or in this case a pound or two or three depending on the day, at a weight that feels comfortable for me. Feels maintainable. Livable. Feels okay for my middle-aged, former yo-yo dieting self.
After three years of blogging and learning and evolving and struggling and more, progress has been made. But some things stay the same.
Changed: I eat kale. KALE! And discovered a love for sweet potatoes. And Greek yogurt. Who knew?
Unchanged: I wouldn’t choose to eat vegetables if I didn’t make it a conscious, daily effort. Changed: I make it a conscious, daily effort. I wish I had inherited the “I love veggies” gene from my mom rather than the “I love bread” gene.
Changed: I CAN eat some of my former binge foods in moderation. Hello, dear peanut butter.
Changed: Eating protein on a regular basis, particularly for breakfast, but usually at most meals. And also new is the slow shift in my mindset that maybe I should follow my husband slowly, closer down the path towards less meat.
Changed: I drink green tea every day. And don’t even dislike it:)
Unchanged: My ingestion of artificial sweeteners. But some things change even as they stay the same: I’ve switched to what might be a less unhealthy, more natural, option.
Changed: I can go to a social event and not pre-cheat or post-cheat. One meal or evening out no longer leads to a whole day or week (or months) of off-plan eating.
Unchanged: More often than not, I see (or use) social eating as an opportunity to gobble down food that I don’t normally eat nor keep in the house, rather than an opportunity to exercise my increasing self-control to find ways to stay on plan even in the face of major temptation. There is still an inner battle being waged.
Unchanged – but in a good way: I continue to be a consistent exerciser.
Changed - but in a bad way: Thanks to a slew of injuries and aches and pains, I do considerably less cardio than I used to.
Changed: Yoga. Unchanged: A lack of zen in my life, either while practicing yoga (while my mind might be making my shopping list) or during my few failed attempts at meditation (while my mind was off wandering in a million other places).
Unchanged: My tendency to snack when I’m not hungry. My ability to overeat even the most healthy of foods. Sigh.
Unchanged: I’m still not normal.
Changed: The realization that I will probably never be normal when it comes to food and eating. But I have maybe learned and changed just enough that I can adapt and keep myself under control. I hate that the word control is still part of my “diet” vernacular. But I have accepted that this really is a lifestyle (yada, yada, yada) and that if I don’t want to ride that old weight roller-coaster again, there are just some things I need to forever do differently and some things I need to give up.
Unchanged: It isn’t easy. I wish I could say it is. Oh, how I wish I could say it is!
Okay, wow, that was way more than I planned to say. (Unchanged: I am rather long-winded.) And all about a healthy lifestyle. But, there it is.