Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I made a mistake.

Thinking I could write this post in the few days I had before my other blog disappears, my self-imposed deadline.

I started several drafts.  Several versions.  Each with a different spin.  Different tone.

What to say?  How to say it?  My perfectionism was rearing its ugly head and leaving me tongue-tied.  Because I knew that this might be my last post.  My final words as Waisting Time.  Maybe as a blogger, period.

My heart told me that I owe you something.  My faithful readers.  My remaining followers.  That, at a minimum, I should share what’s going on with me now.  Or, maybe I should document how I’ve changed in the three-plus years since I started blogging.  And NOT changed.  Writer’s block ensued.  Aaaack.

And self-doubt set in.  Did anyone care?  What would they want to read about, if anything?

Yes, this is how it went.  As I tried another draft.  Another approach.  As I walked away from the keyboard.

So, I decided that I’d leave it up to you.  Tell me what you want to know.  Ask questions.  I’ll either answer in the comments below or via email or, maybe, just maybe, in a future post.  And, if you hope I write more, subscribe to THIS blog and maybe I’ll pop back up.

But one thing I will share, as someone who started blogging in a final act of yo-yo dieter desperation, because I feel inquiring minds might actually want to know… I weigh less now than I did when I started blogging.  I am, in theory, maintaining.  I am, if one doesn’t split hairs, or in this case a pound or two or three depending on the day, at a weight that feels comfortable for me.  Feels maintainable.  Livable.  Feels okay for my middle-aged, former yo-yo dieting self.

After three years of blogging and learning and evolving and struggling and more, progress has been made.  But some things stay the same.

Changed:  I eat kale.  KALE!  And discovered a love for sweet potatoes.  And Greek yogurt.  Who knew?

Unchanged:  I wouldn’t choose to eat vegetables if I didn’t make it a conscious, daily effort.  Changed:  I make it a conscious, daily effort.  I wish I had inherited the “I love veggies” gene from my mom rather than the “I love bread” gene.

Changed:  I CAN eat some of my former binge foods in moderation.  Hello, dear peanut butter.

Unchanged:  Some foods are triggers and best kept out of the house.  Oh, bagels, I hardly even miss ya.

Changed:  Eating protein on a regular basis, particularly for breakfast, but usually at most meals.  And also new is the slow shift in my mindset that maybe I should follow my husband slowly, closer down the path towards less meat.

Changed:  I drink green tea every day.  And don’t even dislike it:)

Unchanged:  My ingestion of artificial sweeteners.  But some things change even as they stay the same:  I’ve switched to what might be a less unhealthy, more natural, option.

Changed:  I can go to a social event and not pre-cheat or post-cheat.  One meal or evening out no longer leads to a whole day or week (or months) of off-plan eating.

Unchanged:  More often than not, I see (or use) social eating as an opportunity to gobble down food that I don’t normally eat nor keep in the house, rather than an opportunity to exercise my increasing self-control to find ways to stay on plan even in the face of major temptation.  There is still an inner battle being waged.

Unchanged – but in a good way:  I continue to be a consistent exerciser.

Changed – but in a bad way:  Thanks to a slew of injuries and aches and pains, I do considerably less cardio than I used to.

Changed:  Yoga.  Unchanged:  A lack of zen in my life, either while practicing yoga (while my mind might be making my shopping list) or during my few failed attempts at meditation (while my mind was off wandering in a million other places).

Unchanged:  My tendency to snack when I’m not hungry.  My ability to overeat even the most healthy of foods.  Sigh.

Unchanged:  I’m still not normal.

Changed:  The realization that I will probably never be normal when it comes to food and eating.  But I have maybe learned and changed just enough that I can adapt and keep myself under control.  I hate that the word control is still part of my “diet” vernacular.  But I have accepted that this really is a lifestyle (yada, yada, yada) and that if I don’t want to ride that old weight roller-coaster again, there are just some things I need to forever do differently and some things I need to give up.

Unchanged:  It isn’t easy.  I wish I could say it is.  Oh, how I wish I could say it is!

Okay, wow, that was way more than I planned to say.  (Unchanged:  I am rather long-winded.)  And all about a healthy lifestyle.  But, there it is.

And, as I said above, if there is something you’d like to know (healthy lifestyle related or otherwise) – ask.  For now, I’m signing off.  With my blogging future still undecided and unknown.  But, one thing is for sure – I’ll miss you.  I’ll miss connecting.  And I’m forever grateful for you keeping me company and supporting me these past three years.  Huge thumbs up:)

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34 Comments

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34 responses to “Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

  1. 1. I miss hearing your updates.
    2. Maybe not normal IS normal.
    3. I hope all is well.

  2. Do what you have to doll *hugs* It was great getting to know you! Stay on FB! 🙂

  3. Good to see (read) you again, if only briefly. I also keep swearing to return to Bar Mitzvahzilla but it’s been difficult for me ever since my book was published. Just such a different side of me and I’m a little self-conscious, is that crazy?
    If you find yourself piling up a bunch of topics (do you keep a blogging notebook like I do, with topics for when you run dry?) then post. If you never do again, then I guess you shouldn’t.
    That beings said, I have a bunch of topics and haven’t myself. Ho hum. 🙂
    Best of luck! Linda

    • Hi, Linda!!! Your feed is still in my reader; one of the few that hasn’t posted in a while that I haven’t just deleted. I always enjoyed your writing. Funny thing is I had a very long list still of ideas that would have worked for Waisting Time, but I guess I got tired of talking about the same topic. I also do have ideas for a new blog. But then my inner perfectionist voice says “what do you write for the first post” because it will always be the FIRST post. Hope all is well with you and your family. Thanks for stopping by:)

  4. Ironically, I think the theme and layout on this free WP site may be prettier and more inviting than the other. The light color is fresh and open. New chapters…

    • Well that’s interesting! I actually had the header design from my “rejects” when I had someone do my work for the other blog. I sort of liked it being different here. I admit I played around with themes for a bit and realized I was so silly to get caught up in all that. I really wanted to change the link color, of all things!

  5. I thought about you yesterday while mulling over the list of bloggers who’ve disappeared. I wondered if you were still working/maintaining/having fun. I hope you get the best life has to offer. Take care. 🙂

    • Thanks for thinking of me, Caron. Yep, still working. Mostly I enjoy it. Life is pretty good. So many times when “diet” bloggers go missing it seems to be because they are off track and gaining so I at least wanted to report on that.

  6. A great post and a great return, I’ve been missing your updates. Keep ’em coming 🙂

  7. I’ll miss you. I hope you decide to drop in from time to time with a post. I enjoy your writing style.

    I’ve seen comments here and there along and thought that maybe your new job was keeping you too busy to post.
    Lori

  8. I love the take on your thumbs up & down with this change thing. To me, you have come a long way based on this post… we all have things we fight & always will. I get it. But you really have come so far!!

    Like you, my bread gene lingers on & although I hardly eat bagels anymore, I do eat my healthy breads & long for more even when I meet my daily max. 🙂

    Wow, PB again – that is a win for you!

    I know you fight the health stuff too – you amaze me!!!

    I am still blogging yet I never know for how long. I am a YMX ambassador so I will blog for this year for sure but I don’t know how much as time goes on… I need some lessons from you on how to let go. 🙂

    I have always missed your regular posts. You are really a great writer but life is life & you must do what is best for you! 🙂

    HUGS!!!!

  9. Simply put: I miss you. I gave up my former domain too, and have tried to recapture the wp.com account/blog though, and am unable. Oh well. I went back to my still alive blogger site, that went through most of the weight loss 2009 anyhow, and have revived it. And am more secure in my new life style now than I ever was then. BUT I totally understand. You are in a really good spot. I’m so proud of you! Love to stay in touch here and then; email me every once in a blue moon when you are truly bored.

    Finally, thank you for being a true-blue diet blogging friend. 🙂

    ~ Was Sunny…now own up to being Gwen 🙂

    • You are one of the first fellow bloggers I “met” out here, Gwen. And were such a great support from the beginning. Thank you. Too bad you couldn’t get that account back. Hmmm. I guess I had kept mine active somehow? I like that I could import everything from the wp.org blog so I didn’t lose my posts or any comments. Not ready to truly let go of it all, I guess. Glad that you are in a better place now too:)

      • Well, it seems what I lost was the stuff AFTER I lost all of the weight, when I would post randomly for the next 2 years or so, so it wasn’t really anything of substance, so that’s good. 🙂

        I hope you stick around, even if just a random post every once in a blue moon. No sense of ‘I oughta post’, more….’gee, I kinda miss everyone, I want to post’… 🙂

        Love ya!

  10. You will remain among my top 5 favorite bloggers (and blog friends) of all time. I love your writing, your creativity, your real-ness and your kindness. Truly, your kindness bleeds through every post you write. I’ll read whatever you write if I see it, so you will remain on my blogroll for the duration.

    Seems to me that if your current gig is a freebie blog, why not drop in, drop out, or not? Whatever the spirit moves, whenever it does or doesn’t move it! From your inventory, it sounds like blogging availed you some definite benefits, and apparently no losses, except the few pounds. Oh, may that happen to yours truly!

    Great to see you here again!

    • You know I am a fan of yours as well. Funny how I always felt so much in sync so often despite our stories being so different. I think you are one of the bloggers that I’ve “been with” from the beginning!

      Yes, it is nice to have the freebie option. I was feeling a tad bit guilty paying for something I wasn’t using. If I finally start a new blog, it will be on this platform.

  11. Deb

    I was so excited to see a new post pop up in my Google Reader! I will miss you. Like Michele I love the look of this blog. I will miss your writing, your honesty and your wisdom. I’d love updates every so often.

    Are you still enjoying your job, I wonder? And your kids… out in the big wide world, I hope they’re doing fine.

    Deb

    • Hi, Deb. Yes, still enjoying work, mostly. My boys are doing well. We will be driving out to visit our oldest in PA next week. The youngest is in Mexico on spring break, doing better his sophomore year now that he is trying to change his major, and has gotten a puppy. Your blog is still in my (soon to be obsolete thanks to Google) reader but I hardly comment anywhere anymore. I’m still lurking, though:)

  12. It is good to hear from you. Thank you for keeping us bloggers in the loop.

    I think you have figured out a bunch of things, including how to move beyond h yo-yo. Amazing that you are at a lower weight now than when you started blogging.

    I do have some questions for you:

    How is your calf?
    How are the fine young men in our life?
    Did you give up FB, too?
    What have you read lately that you would recommend?
    What have you learned about yourself in your new job?

    If you ever get to Minneapolis, I hope we can ride some bikes! Or at least have tea at minnehaha falls. My treat.

    TRFN,
    Michele

  13. Hi, Karen! So glad to hear from you. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to see you pop on on my blog comments section sometimes so I do know you’re still out there living and enjoying life, and that makes me smile. I think everyone here asked about the same questions I would have had for you. Whatever you decide, it’s always nice to connect – on any level that you choose. I’m just grateful for YOU.

    • I am still reading, Ellen:) I was rather upset when I heard that google reader is going away! It was such a convenient way for me to keep up with blogs and know that even if I posted only rarely, I’d pop up for anyone still following.

  14. lbddiaries

    You are such an excellent writer that I hope you don’t quit writing! I’ve noticed that any topic you choose becomes interesting (which is a rare trait considering all the blabbering bloggers out there with nothing to say and being boring about it, smile). I learned quite a bit reading your posts on my own weight loss journey so maybe occasional posts on things you learn, not just about yourself but eating healthy in general?

    On another note, I have also backed off a lot of the social media. I tried to have a Facebook account 3 times now and always, within a week, shut it down. Stopped Twitter, don’t blog much – and you are right, it is NOT something to miss! I’m also trying Zen, not just in my mind and body, but in my house. So think about posting on your own quest to Zen!

    • Thanks for the kind words, Nan. I do enjoy the writing when I am doing it (except when, as with this post, I have a deadline or pressure to get something done). It is hard to imagine giving up blogging entirely:)

  15. I’d be sorry to see you go all together – so maybe you can pop in now and again. I know that once my work took me out of the house 8-5:30 my posting and reading time has greatly diminished.

    So happy to hear that you feel you are in maintenace mode. That is something I look forward to reaching soon, myself! I know it will be an ongoing focus – we are the same in that way – there is not a “normal” normal for us…

    Enjoy your life, your boys and your continued good health!!

  16. Barbara

    I have really missed your blog. Since you stopped updating regularly. But… I do have to admit that *sometimes*, it’s not all about me! 😉 I am so glad you spent some time in the blogosphere and I’m certainly glad I found you! I wish you all the best, Karen!

  17. Thanks for the update, are you going to post again anytime soon? I miss your posts. Oh, and I love green tea too.

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