In Dog Years I'd Be Dead

The older I get…


The more times I get up at night to pee.

The harder it is to fall back asleep after.

The more I’m like my mother.

The blurrier the words on the page appear.

The more reluctant I am to drive at night.

The less concerned I am with how I look.

The less hair I have on my head and the more I have to sweep off the bathroom floor.

The more sags in more body parts.

The harder it is to consider wrinkles “laugh lines.”

The more difficult it is to find shoes that don’t hurt my feet.

The less I remember.

The more aches and pains I feel.

The earlier I go to bed.

The harder it is to sleep-in come morning.

The gassier I am.

The stiffer I feel when I stand.

The wider my middle grows.

The younger “old” people seem.

The younger “young” people seem.


“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”

– John Glen

Photo credit [Joke Library]



Filed under aging

30 responses to “In Dog Years I'd Be Dead

  1. Happiest Birthday wishes to you, my friend!!!

    I go to sleep earlier and earlier myself (though not tonight), but it just seems practical.

  2. Well I missed that it was your birthday I think but Happy Birthday anyway. I love this post. I can relate to it ALL. 🙂

  3. Happy Birthday<3 Your post title really caught my attention today 🙂

  4. Happy Birthday! Remember age is but only a number! It’s how you feel and live your life that makes you “old” or “young”!

  5. Wait…how did you get into my head????

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KAREN. I’ll be writing a similar post in a few short months 🙂

  6. Happy Birthday Karen!! You forgot that you’re wiser, too 🙂

  7. Happy Birthday!!! Your post rings so very true for me…sigh. Hope you have a great day!

  8. C’mon.. how are you so clever all the time?!
    I didn’t get that it was your birthday either… but Happy Birthday my friend!
    I hope this year brings you more happiness than you could imagine.

  9. Is it your bday???? FB didn’t tell me!!! 😉 A very happy one to you!!! ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Karen, you know I so get this and way more!!!!! I don’t like it! 😉

  10. KarenJ

    To a fellow Karen, Happy Birthday! I think getting older means being more accepting of our so called flaws, or at least I hope so! Enjoy and remember you have a lot of company out here.

  11. so freakin funny and dead on ! like a fine wine..m’dear

  12. I have no idea what any of those things in your post are referring to, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway! I am most thankful for your friendship!

  13. Eh- happy bday? You aren’t making growing old sound easy! lol :p

  14. WAIT not to say you are old! I meant older….

  15. Happy, Happy Birthday!

    I don’t love the extra peeing and the saggy bits, but I love how much wiser and more vibrant I am now!

  16. Happy birthday! Welcome to a new decade. It’s really a good one as you will see.

  17. Happy Birthday Karen! Just another year wiser is all 🙂

  18. Happy Birthday…. hope you have (had) a great day and have a fabulous year!!!


  19. Miz

    the more I learn from OTHER PEOPLE’S wisdom.

  20. Miz

    oops hit enter too soon.
    like yours.
    hope the birthday was amazing.


  21. Happy birthday my blog friend! I love your posts every single time I read them.

  22. Ditto to everything you said, and to Miz’s learning:) Hope you had a happy one.

  23. Happy birthday! LOL re the graphic, and so many things in your post hit home (boo!).

  24. Jan

    Happy Birthday! I can relate to all of these. Welcome to the golden years. Bah!

  25. Birthday Blessings to you Karen! Hope your day is filled with love, laughter and good times.

  26. Happy Birthday! I am only 38 but for some reason I can relate to ALL of these. I guess I am older than I thought!

  27. Hi K. Missed you and have been wondering how work and calf were fairing.

    I used to tell people about sneeze and laugh peeing, but so many uncomfortable discussions about the virtue of kegels has rendered me virtually silent on the subject. Except on blogs of course. At least it is just pee. My mom and sister have the habit of mistaking farts. It only gets worse with the years piling on. Beats the alternative of course.

    Happy birthday and one more year Dependless. Ahem.

  28. Hope you are having a wonderful birthday, Karen! Clever post, although the first 10 lines hit soooo close to home for me that I started to feel like AARP would dial me at any minute1 🙂

  29. Hahah I absolutely love the title of this post 😀
    Happy birthday!

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