Don’t let the candy manufacturers fool you: it’s not Halloween yet! But right about now I’m wondering if maintenance is a trick or a treat. Today, I’m going with trick.
I’m struggling. My willpower comes and goes. My mojo vanished and is hiding somewhere with the missing socks from the laundry. My “get up and go” has “got up and left.” But I’m still here, hanging on, often by the tips of my fingers as the proverbial wagon is speeding out from under me. The little self-control I thought had become routine for me has clearly not.
I’m not really surprised. After all, my name is Karen and I am a yo-yo dieter. I have never “maintained” before for any long period of time. But, I really did think this time was different. And, it is. Or, it will be. My current lapses don’t look the same as what I had done in years past that led me to the long slippery slope of regain. But that doesn’t matter much, because I know the potential is there. I know that the slippery slope is never far away. I won’t go there. I just won’t. Not this time. Not again.
I can pinpoint the cause of my current struggles. Are you that way too? Able to reflect back and see the moment, the food, the emotion, that pushed you over the edge and off the wagon? For me, it was the road trip. And the days leading up to it. And the days that followed. When we got home, I got on track, but then we were invited out for a birthday dinner. Social eating. Slip. Got back on track again. But since then it has been a series of good days followed by not so good days. Overeating, eating when I’m not hungry, and yes, even eating very far off plan.
I’m not sure why. Yes, it started with the trip. But it could have, should have, ended on the road. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I mean that most sincerely. That’s the question I ask. That’s the thought that runs through my head.
For just a moment, a month or so ago, I thought I was “done.” I even wrote a great blog post about it that is still sitting in my drafts folder. But, I’ve since come UNdone.
So here I am. Doing what often seems to work best for me. Writing it out.
I’m not worried. I know this is temporary. I am NOT going to fall into old habits and patterns and I am NOT going to regain weight. The pound or two that keeps bouncing around on my body and the scale are temporary and I will kick them to the curb. Just as soon as I curb my appetite!
The reality is that I AM maintaining. If you consider that up and down and all around the same number to be maintenance. But, I’m higher than I want to be, higher than I was. So… it doesn’t really count. But, the big issue here, lest you get caught up in thinking I am worrying too much about a few pounds, is my behavior and mindset. It is not about the scale. It is about me. And right now, me is struggling. Me is not the me of a month ago. Me needs an attitude adjustment and to go back and read my own posts and to follow my own advice and to nip this in the bud ASAP.
This is not about a few pounds. It’s about a good pounding! I am writing this to drill into my hard head that the time has come to get off the mini-rollercoaster I’m riding and get back on track.
What self-pep-talk are YOU needing lately?