I am a yo-yo dieter. When I started my blog, I had hoped by now to change my tag line and say I was “reformed.” But the honest truth is that I am still struggling. So maybe the time has come to give in. Not to be confused with giving UP or throwing in the towel. But giving in to what I know I need to do. Giving in to the things that I still somehow resist. Giving in to a life without regaining weight.
Recently I experimented with eating all my meals at the kitchen table. I didn’t want to do it. I knew I wouldn’t like it. And I didn’t. But I also suspected it would make a big difference in my eating. And it did. Honestly, I’d like to go back to eating in my comfy chair in front of the TV. But the time has come to give in to what I know can work for me. Eating at the table, much as I don’t like it, is working.
And yesterday morning I threw away my last jar of peanut butter. (Sorry hubby.) I resisted doing it. I told myself I could keep the jar, unopened. Or open the jar but eat from it in moderation. But my previous actions were proving otherwise. And many wise commentators told me so in no uncertain terms. So I gave in to what I knew was right. I typed my response to a comment to “kick the peanut butter out of the house” and got up from the keyboard and did just that. I am not giving up on the idea that I can one day eat it again. But I am giving in to all your great advice, that I did my best to resist, but knew was right. Thank you for holding my feet to the fire and for telling me like it is.
Those are just a few examples. There is more that I am giving in to, in my quest to get to some undefinable place. The place with food balance and no roller-coasters. The place with maintaining weight, not losing or gaining. The place where I am in control rather than food controlling me.
I have spent most of my summer struggling with my eating. I have been resisting things I know work for me. I have been engaging in eating that I know, even as I chew, I will regret. I have been giving in to temptation time and time again. But I have not given up. Somehow I know that all this has just been a series of setbacks or missteps or detours or learning opportunities. Whatever you want to call them. And while I have indeed felt discouraged at times, I have not given up on the idea that I will end the yo-yo years and start the maintaining years. Giving in this time is a good thing.