I had a great idea for this post. But my notes are scrawled on a piece of paper that I left behind at the lake house. I don’t know if it bothers me more that I can’t remember anything about what I thought was such a perfect topic or that I am worried someone else will someday find my notes and I will feel exposed by whatever I might have written that I sooooo cannot remember!
This post could have been about how I felt to be off the grid with no cell phone access or internet. (Fine until I got home and sat at my computer, overwhelmed.) But I am very confident that was not what I intended to write about.
This post could have been about what I ate at the lake because there is a lot to say about that. A LOT! And that wording is indeed an intended pun. But this was likely not the topic because I decided that I have talked about overeating and cheating enough lately and this “binge” was very situational and I was going to be back on track the moment I hit my front door so I just was not going to beat my own dead horse today.
This post could have been about how I did not feel fat in my swimsuit:) Or it could have been about the slight hesitation that came with having to wear that swimsuit sans cover-up in front of my friends. Or it could have been about the myriad of thoughts that ran through my head in the five minutes when I stood, feeling exposed, as a boat full (and I mean full) of teenagers briefly docked to say “hi” to my son. (Is anything as humbling as beautiful teenage girls in bikinis?)
This post surely would have been about some topic that was utterly inspired. I know that because I seem to do some of my most creative thinking when I am nowhere near a keyboard and often when I have no access to even pen and paper. Oh the posts I have written in my mind! I remember writing on the tiny piece of paper. Both sides. Scrawled down and up and around. I wish I could remember my idea! I don’t even have a glimmer of the topic. Nothing at the edge of my memory teasing me with partial recall. Frustrating. And I wish I knew for sure where that little piece of paper now resides. And if I ever find it, I hope that the idea is as amazing in reality as it is in my very faulty memory. Wait for it!
Until then… I missed you. I missed keeping caught up online. I missed the sense of accountability I have about my eating when my blog and readers are so close. I didn’t miss my scale but I wish I could miss seeing the number on it replayed in my mind as I type this. I missed my healthy eating and missed the person who was staying on track, committed. I missed my bike. I had fun – but I am sooo glad to be back.