Have you ever let your weight issues keep you from going somewhere? I have. Your reasons might have been different from mine. Or they may have been the same. Regardless, it seems wrong when I think about it… letting weight or dieting dictate our actions.
The most obvious reason why anyone does this, is because they don’t like how they look. Maybe they don’t want to encounter someone who has never seen them this large. Or they are afraid they’d embarrass a spouse or loved one with their size. Or they just don’t want to risk the comments and looks that might come. Or they have nothing appropriate that fits and refuse to buy bigger clothes.
But there are other less obvious and maybe less common reasons. Reasons that are at the forefront of my mind right now. Like not wanting to be tempted by the food that is there. And not wanting to NOT eat and then wonder if anyone is noticing.
At my current place in my journey, when I have an upcoming event, I think mostly about the food that I will encounter and the temptations I will have to resist. I know it is good to have a plan in my mind, but I wish I could just trust in myself to go and handle things well without having to think about it ahead of time. I wish I could splurge if I want to and not worry about that derailing me. I need to learn that I can go and enjoy myself regardless of the food being served. And I need to feel that I can eat what I want, or don’t eat what I don’t want to, and not worry that anyone is looking.
It makes me sad to think about it. To think about the times in the past when I knew I had an upcoming event and my immediate thought went to my weight. Or that I was dieting. Or should be dieting. It makes me a little sad to think of the occasions when I stayed home rather than buy the outfit in the bigger size or risk derailing a diet with tempting food. That makes my life about my weight and dieting, and not about living. If this is truly a lifestyle change, then I need to change my approach to social events along with everything else. Add it to my list.