Not Tonight Dear; I Feel Fat

I got a very unusual blog award recently from Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla.  She is an amazing writer and hers is one of the few blogs I read that is not about the whole diet/weight journey thing.  As the recipient of this unique award, I am supposed to tell you who I’d like to get horizontal with.  Yes, you read that right!  Now seeing as how there are naked dolls cavorting across this post, the implications are pretty clear.  Linda, in her infinite humor, took the route of revisiting her youth and listed some interesting people.  (You can read all about it here.  I think she really missed the boat by not including Fonzie, by the way.)

I will get to my own acceptance speech requirements in a moment.  First I want to pass this on… quickly.  I have decided to give this award to some bloggers who have an incredible way of putting fingers to keyboard and stringing together words that make me laugh.  Because, honestly, I am curious to see what they will do with this:)  So have fun gals.  Who’d you like to get horizontal with?

The award goes to…. (cue music):

Genie – Diet of 51

Kristen – Results Not Typical Girl

Lisa – No More Diet Drama

Now, for my answer… my husband.  Boring.  I know.  But he does read this blog every day:)

So I decided to take this opportunity to carefully write about something that has been on my mind as a potential blog topic, but one I was not sure I wanted to publicly address.  I say carefully because not only does hubby read, but occasionally so do my mom and sister-in-law.  Being anonymous would make this much easier.

So… here goes.

About my post title – I suspect many of you can relate.  Feeling fat, for me, is the opposite of an aphrodisiac.  Notice I did not say “being fat.”  Because I can feel fat when I am not.  Like when I go on a massive TV watching mindless eating binge and feel my belly bloat and my cheeks expand.  Ugh.  In my mind I am thinking, “I feel fat and I sooo don’t want to be touched and reminded of it.”  And for years, my belly has been an off-limits zone.  Being touched there, where I usually feel fattest, even in a casual way, was like fingernails on a chalkboard. I am more self-conscious of that spot on my body than any other.

Now I have to say a few things here.  First – my husband has never, ever made me feel fat.  On the contrary.  If only I liked my body as much as he does, I would have much higher self esteem:)  Second – being overweight does not, in and of itself, in my opinion, make someone unsexy.  There are many examples of women who are so confident and vibrant that they radiate sex appeal even though they are well beyond what society would consider an acceptable weight.  Nope… this one is all on me.  How I feel about myself.  Not how anyone else tells me I should feel.  And to be totally gut-wrenchingly honest here… I just don’t think of myself as sexy.  So clearly, as I think about making progress on my journey and work still to be done – I should add this to my list.  Gotta find my inner sex goddess.  Care to help me, hubby?



Filed under awards, blogging, body and/or body image, family

41 responses to “Not Tonight Dear; I Feel Fat

  1. Genie

    OK, so I just log in and your post seduces me and–wham–I have to think about THIS all day at work?

    Actually, I don’t, it would be……….

    OK, I thought I had a fantasy, but my feeble mind lost it. Really, I do have to think about it after you gave such a loyal answer. Am I naughty or nice?

    Looking for your inner sex goddess, that’s interesting. Does weight make a person feel unsexy? I have opinions on that…. Sounds like fodder for me, too.

    Let me get back to you on that horizontal thing. And, thanks; I think…..

  2. Being happy in our bodies, what a gift that would be! This picture reminds me of when I was little and my sister would undress my barbie and ken and put them in compromising positions. Man that would get me mad!!! lol
    .-= Natalia´s last blog ..This weeks goals! =-.

  3. You have the best titles for your posts! Yes, I agree. Feeling fat makes me feel unlovely which is certainly not conducive to romance. Maybe you hit on something in your post when you mentioned those decidedly plump, but definitely sexy personalities we all recognize. I’m working on the weight and fitness part, but maybe I need to work on the head part, too. Maybe feeling lovely is not so much a matter of poundage, but rather of self esteem which included many other factors besides weight.
    .-= Tish´s last blog ..Home Again =-.

    • Karen

      Thanks Tish. Some days they come to me; some days I wish I could think of something to call them.

      I do think it is a head thing. Mostly. But I do remember reading somewhere that people who work out have better sex:)

  4. Ya know. I feel you. Granted I’m not married. But all the same. No matter who I dated and no matter how much I weighed I hated when someone touched my belly. HATED IT. And during my two year relationship with one ex he actually got into the habit of avoiding that area altogether cause he couldn’t stand watching me cringe when he touched me.

    If you’ve read my blog at all you’ve probably heard me refer to The Guy. And while that relationship had/has plenty wrong with it that was one place in which he got something right. I’m not sure what it was, but somewhere along the way he helped me forget about that phobia. NOW I’m still very much aware of it. I’m still very self concious about it. But no matter how many times I cringed away from that tummy touch he never would quit. In fact, he would push the issue until one day I noticed I wasn’t as insecure about it.

    Now…I do know for certain that he is the only one with that privileged touch. But it gives me hope that maybe someday my little insecurities won’t own my every thought and action…someday…
    .-= Brandi´s last blog ..FINALLY!!!! =-.

  5. Very funny! I just commented last week about posing Barbie and Ken in porn positions! Uh HUH!

    I totally get the “feeling fat is not an aphordisiac”. Good heavens – how many times is my mind focused on “how that flesh must feel” when Hubbo’s hands are exploring. And talk about ice water on the libido!

    My guess is that your husband will be taking you up on the offer! I know mine would! And I’ll be checking out Barmitzvahzilla for sure. I’m Jewish by association (mom was secretary at a synagogue that she called the “synago-go”.)
    .-= Leslie´s last blog ..Fast Sunday post =-.

    • Karen

      I am laughing because already this afternoon he offered to “get horizontal.” Men:)

      Linda’s blog is great. She has a wonderful writing style and posts about very universal topics.

  6. Yep that post was me alright! It totally plays mind games with you in the bedroom. I hate the whole feeling fat.
    .-= Lesia´s last blog ..ooh la la…. =-.

  7. What a crazy award….lol…thanks 🙂

    Fat and sexiness don’t mix for me unless you add a magarita. Add the magartia and it cancels out the fat. Just sayin’.

  8. Congratulations on such an awesome award!

    I really appreciate this post, especially the emphasis on the mental aspect of it. It’s not a size issue, it’s a self-perception issue.

    Oh, so much work still to be done…
    .-= Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..Another Family Reunion Laid to Rest =-.

    • Karen

      It really is self-perception. It makes me wonder where that comes from… why some of us grow up with confidence regardless of our size and others of us don’t.

  9. LOL! You crack me up!
    .-= Diet Buddy Daily´s last blog ..Spring Focus Week Four Results =-.

  10. Wow. So ya gonna post this award on your sidebar? That should be nice…:) You are funny. Hubbend is like your husband too. He loves my body so much more than I ever have. Over weight, sad sunken breasts after losing weight or whatever.

    Just being around him has increased my body image more than anything else. I love it. But I totally get what you mean. I have a hard time with my belly area. It has stretch marks, and when I get to goal weight it has droopy skin. But, I’m working on it. Here’s to finding the sex goddess within.
    .-= JourneyBeyondSurvival´s last blog ..Flaunting Traditions =-.

    • Karen

      Funny you should ask that. I moved my awards to a page of their own and was pretty sure this one would not end up there. Should I?

      You know what is weird? Men are supposed to be visual creatures. So they obviously see us differently than we see ourselves. Or see past it all!

  11. Oh girl I can relate to this post!
    .-= Bringing Pretty Back´s last blog ..A child does not camouflage you in a photo =-.

    • Karen

      Ah yes… this ties in to your whole theme and your concept of wearing “affair underwear.” Would we feel sexier if we had the lingerie to match?

  12. You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this post, Karen. “I hate it too.” That about sums it up for me. Brandi’s Guy has a good approach… something like that might help me too. BTW, my belly’s fine, it’s touchin’ my big ol’ legs, always big (even when I’m slim), that makes me cringe. And “cringe” is the perfect word. Thanks for touching on this delicate subject…

    • Karen

      Well I admit I could have said MUCH more if I were totally anonymous. But this seemed like enough honesty for the moment.

  13. Nothing like a hubby to help you in the self image. I didn’t like a lot of things about myself until I met my hubby. He loves it all!

    I am still working on thinking I am okay but I am getting better about it. I wish the same for you.

  14. Sometimes I think our husbands are just happy to have a woman all their own (all the time…) 🙂

    Great post, Karen. I can’t believe you wimped out and chose your husband. Geez. Fictional characters! Didn’t I mention that??? Maybe not. I guess I got caught up in that “stars from my childhood” thingy.

    On a more serious note, I think it’s a pretty big issue, not feeling good about our bodies and not wanting to make love. I’m definitely my biggest critic.
    .-= Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla´s last blog ..The Plastic Oy Award =-.

    • Karen

      NO!!! I was thinking of all the great ones you listed and my past and then I read it again after I saw my name and, hmmm, don’t remember seeing fictional characters. So now I have passed it along in a new way. Ooops.

  15. I have had the same problem in the past many times! It can really put a damper on things if you know what I mean. It sucks. A while ago I decided that I am not going to let myself feel like that anymore. (Coincidentally right after I started losing weight and taking care of myself!) 🙂
    .-= Carla´s last blog ..Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip =-.

    • Karen

      I can tell when I read your blog that you are feeling great! And I am sure it translates into all parts of your life:)

  16. ok, let me be blunt. i am a big girl. big. but i have never, not ever, let my size get in the way of me embracing my inner porn star.
    secure, worth-loving men don’t think about the size of your ass, your thighs, or your stomach when they are living in the realm of the hot and bothered. nope. they just don’t. for them, the hottest thing a woman can be is aroused, pleasured, and having a good ol’ time, all thanks to the ego-boosting talents and blessings of their manly men partners. later, when they are having some “alone time” with themselves, the size of your body parts is 100% completely irrelevant. how you stare up at them when their cock is in your mouth? bingo.

    sorry. just needed to share. go team.
    .-= Kirsten (Results Not Typical Girl)´s last blog ..oh no they di-int =-.

  17. I have the attitude of “if my hubby thinks I’m a goddess then I’ll act like one…”

    I just fake it till I make it sometimes- sex is much more enjoyable that way when I don;t worry about it- but I understand not wanting to be touched on the stomach.
    .-= beerab´s last blog ..22 days and counting… =-.

  18. I agree completely! I tried to name my gut to make peace with her – Gertie is evil I tell you. I can tell the kind of day I’m going to have by a quick game of patty cake with her before I climb out of bed…I too hope I will find that inner sex kitten. Let me know if you locate her.
    .-= Melissa Fast´s last blog ..T Minus 12 =-.

  19. Just stopping by from Lady Bloggers Society! Super wonderful blog! 🙂

    – Meg

    [Life of Meg]

  20. Pingback: embracing my inner porn star | Results Not Typical Girl

  21. Yes I’d agree most of us have been here before. I’m glad you have a supportive spouse. Mine is the same. Never ever has made me feel fat or unwanted even at my heaviest. Even when I felt horrible about myself. I think we’re both very lucky.
    .-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Corn is NOT a vegetable & The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson =-.

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