I struggled with my eating this weekend. Enough said.
But I made a very interesting observation. I also struggled with my blog. I had several drafts of posts and nothing felt right to publish Saturday morning. I had lots of ideas to write about and the words didn’t flow. I read the greatest comments from readers but wasn’t ready to reply. I spent more time away from the computer than usual. I wasn’t feeling it like I usually do.
When I sat down last night and went back and reread your comments about Sunday’s post, and started replying, I mentally kicked myself. Your words were so positive and uplifting and supportive. I felt unworthy, sitting at the computer reading them with a full stomach.
And I realized there was probably some connection between me eating more and blogging less. Not sure exactly how it worked. But I sure don’t eat when I am sitting at the keyboard. Did I stay away from the online inspiration because I wanted to eat instead? Or did I eat because I had not spent as much time on the blog? Did the emotions driving me to eat also cause writer’s block? Maybe there was a connection. Maybe not. Chicken or egg?
All I can say is that when I came back here, I felt the power. The power I get from writing about my emotions instead of trying to eat them away. The power I get from your kind words. The power I get from the stories you write and the honesty you share. The power I get from remembering my optimism and strength and reading about yours. I forget all that stuff when I am reaching for food that I shouldn’t be eating. Food that I don’t even want to be eating.
So this was another lesson. So many things I am slowly learning. I realized that if I am tempted to overeat, I should instead come here or to your blogs. Wrap myself in the community and the power. Use my blog. Let it be like Superman’s cape or Popeye’s spinach. I’d like to think I could do this on my own… eat right and well all the time. But for now I can still use a little help from wherever I can get it. If it comes from the magically powers of my blog, I’ll take it. But I need to remember that I have to get off my butt and come to the keyboard to feel the power. I am feeling it now:)