Control Freak

I am just a teeny tiny bit of a control freak.  Which makes me marvel at the irony that I have struggled with control over my eating!  And of course I have even less control over the scale:(

Not long ago I had an epiphany, thanks to a comment on my blog from Cammy.  I had written how I was discovering that the journey for me was no longer just about a number on the scale but more about how I feel.  Cammy said, “… Doesn’t it feel more ‘right’ to base your feelings of success on your actions? We can control our actions! …”

Darned if a light bulb didn’t go off above my head when I read that.  I am a control freak.  I cannot control the scale.  But I CAN control my actions.  Or at least I SHOULD be able to control my actions.  Hello Karen!!

Why didn’t I make that connection before?  Probably because I was so focused on losing weight.  A number was my goal.  But I can’t control the number and I really, honestly, can’t control my weight either, if you think about it.  I can control what I eat; I can control what I don’t eat; I can control my exercise.  And while the hope is that doing things right leads to weight loss and improved fitness, I am only directly able to control my actions, not the outcomes.

And then I discovered more wisdom, courtesy of Cammy, in an older post of hers that I had read before but at the time I had not focused on this piece of advice, one idea in a list of several great suggestions.  She explained why we shouldn’t focus only on weight-based goals:  “… I can’t control my weight; it’s as simple as that. I can eat healthy, healthy, healthy and gain two pounds. I can sneak in a few treats and lose a pound. Throw in an extra workout, and stay the same. The scale makes no sense sometimes. My previous inability to understand that was frustrating, demoralizing, and ruinous.”  This time when I read the post, these words screamed at me from the page.  Oh the logic of it all!

So, much in thanks to Cammy, I have shifted my focus about what I can control.  Or what I am trying to control.  When I set goals, they are about my habits – eating and exercise, not about what number I want to weigh by a certain date.  I would be lying if I told you that my epiphany means I no longer care about the number on the scale.  Of course I do.  And probably always will.  But I no longer let it rule my life.  Or be the focus of my goals.  Or the bane of my existence.  I am a control freak who is now going to use that to my advantage to focus my efforts on what I CAN control, instead of letting the other things control ME.