Indecisiveness and the Sub

I wrote two posts in advance for today.  I had not planned to do that, but an inner debate was waging and this became a strange way to think it through.

This is the second post.  The post I wrote after living with the other one for several days and seeing how it fit, and how it made me feel.  That post was about confession.  This post is not.

Let me set the stage for you.  Rewind one week.  Our niece and her new husband were coming to town for an overnight visit.  (Yay.)  We offered to host all the local in-laws so our honeymooners could see everyone while in town.  (Fun.)  But then the wrench got thrown into the works: beloved niece wanted to have subs from a local restaurant.  She craved them from her home several states away and wanted to satisfy that craving while she was here.  (Eek!)  And I knew having overnight guests meant little time on the computer.  (Start writing.)

So here was my dilemma – get a sub and eat what I suspected was non-whole grain bread (despite the word ‘wheat’ on the menu) for the first time in months… or order a salad and have everyone wonder why as they give me funny looks.  I did not want to eat the bread.  Really.  No craving for it.  And I was worried that eating it might make me want more stuff that I shouldn’t be eating, stuff I had avoided eating.  I worried that eating the bread might derail my diet and start my slippery slope of weight regain.  But I really did not want to have anyone ask me why I wasn’t having a sub from a restaurant with the word sub in its name!  So I considered my options and looked at the online nutritional information.  The only salad with protein added was 1000 calories!  Unbelievable!  I decided I was better off risking the bread.  And I decided that my dieting muscle was stronger now than my emotional muscle.  So I preferred ingesting something off plan that I didn’t even really want over handling my embarrassment in not partaking.  And I told myself that I needed to prepare for a life full of eating challenges, times when I would need or want to exercise moderation in my diet.  I rationalized my intended actions.

I read my original draft over and over.  It started with the words:  “Last night I went off my diet.”  It ended with me wondering if I had made the right choice.  Of course I wrote it days before I actually encountered that choice and without knowing how my body or mind would react to the first poison non-whole grain bread in months.  Sometimes I thought I was at peace with my planned cheat; sometimes I thought I was being weak to eat something I wouldn’t choose to eat just because of what others would think.  I really struggled with what to do and the choice just did not seem clear cut to me.  It was not just about going off plan or not.  There was still that notion of how to incorporate this way of eating into my lifestyle in a way that I could live with forever.  Should I start that night… or not yet.  Had anyone ever put this much thought into ordering a darn sub before?!

I envisioned myself the morning after.  I pictured the scale.  I imagined my public admission of cheating, because I was going to admit to it here and on my diet forum.  (I am all about public accountability right now.)  I thought I had made peace with my little planned cheat, but I realized that I had not.  Did I really want my diet resolve to be influenced by people around me?  Did I really want to waste a cheat on something of someone else’s choosing?  Or did I want to get up the next day, unafraid of the scale.

I honestly didn’t make my dinner decision until the moment I placed the carry-out order over the phone.  (And by then I had found a less caloric salad option.)  No sub for me.  And while I was very aware of what I was eating, I don’t know that anyone else paid attention.  If they did they didn’t say anything.  Either then, or when I later skipped the highly caloric non-diet friendly dessert.

Ironically, the number on the scale took a jump upward this morning.  But at least I know that it wasn’t because of something I chose to eat that I didn’t really want to eat.  Am I happy with my decision?  I think so.  I can’t regret not cheating, after all.  But I have to look back and be amazed at just how crazy indecisive I was.  And how I spent so much mental energy on a silly sub.

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11 Comments

Filed under cheating/overeating, dieting, emotions/emotional issues, family, food, influence of others, low-carb/South Beach, restaurant/social eating

11 responses to “Indecisiveness and the Sub

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Waisting Time , Archive » Indecisiveness and the Sub -- Topsy.com

  2. Karen,

    It’s about he process for me. sometimes I’m great with ordering out, but it takes a lot of guts and I really have to stand up for my NEEDS. My family and friends now laugh at all the tweaks I make when ordering, but I think I deserve to enjoy my meal the way I need it to maintain a healthy lifstyle. And, if I can tweak it enough to make room for a sweet indulgent treat on occasion – all the better.
    .-= Melissa Fast´s last blog ..Take The Challenge =-.

  3. I never believe the “wheat” label at restaurants. Or the healthy labels. They cook veggies in oil.

    Anyway, on days like this I plan ahead if I know the meal will be a little fatten.

    Since it was last minute for you I would have loaded up on the veggies and maybe have taken the top piece of bread and had an open sandwich.

    It’s great that your family didn’t make a big deal out of it. I’ve read stories where the family d*mn near disowned someone for trying to eat healthy foods.

    And you skipped dessert? Go girl! It’s getting easier for me to turn down my friends when they go out to eat for lunch even though I’ve been label “antisocial” Oh well. I’ll be sexy! lol.
    .-= adrienne´s last blog ..How I Plan To Lose Weight This Week – Lazy Sunday Reading March 28, 2010 =-.

  4. I think it’s okay to go “off” plan (if you are strict on what you are eating) sometimes but I think the key is to learn to eat as healthy as possible in the environment that we are in. Sometimes the situation won’t be ideal, but as long as you do your best it’s okay.

    That being said, I’m kind of a ballsy type of gal and if I didn’t want the sub I probably wouldn’t have gotten it just because I’m finding that now that I’m losing weight I’m coming out of my shell more and standing up for what I want. But I love subs, so who am I kidding? LOL

    The number on the scale WILL catch up to where it should be I have full confidence in that! Just keep on eating the best you can and moving and things will fall into place. 🙂
    .-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Nike + for iPod & why are there so many large people at Wal-Mart? =-.

  5. Your post reminded me of a day when I had a minor meltdown because a deli mistakenly served me white bread instead of the whole wheat I had ordered. I was working myself into a lather when it suddenly occurred to me that the only two slices of white bread I’d seen in two years probably would not kill me and that eating them was probably a lesser evil than throwing perfectly good food away, which is what the restaurant would have had to do, by law. Amazingly, I didn’t only *not die*, I actually enjoyed eating it as it was a nice reminder of how empty white bread tastes.

    The things we do to ourselves….
    .-= Cammy@TippyToeDiet´s last blog ..Mea Culpa: Re-Evaluating The Diet Cycle =-.

  6. First, I wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog and the nice words you wrote over at Lady Bloggers- You made my day! 🙂 Second, you are entirely too hard on yourself (although maybe I could learn some discipline from you…). The fact that you are conscience of what you are eating and making a true effort to pick the healthiest choices says you’re dedicated and dedicated people reach there goals. Looking forward to reading more!

  7. I only eat subs from Subway and Mr. Sub … I know how many points they are.
    .-= Teena in Toronto´s last blog ..How far I’ve come =-.

  8. Is it really cheating if you plan to eat “off plan”? Just pondering because I over the past 6 months I have let myself eat off plan – but have been very aware of my eating, which is a huge change for me. I found that during these off plan meals, I ate much less than everyone around me and enjoyed the food, the smell, the texture, the taste.

  9. Karen

    Of course you are all right – I need to eat how I know I should eat. And my goal is to get to the place where I can comfortably add little indulgences now and then. Or go off plan sometimes and know it is okay in the long run. I think the key will be me choosing where and when and what… not having it chosen for me by circumstance. Baby steps.

    The really funny thing is that my brother-in-law, who has never had weight or eating issues, Ate the meat out of his sandwich with a fork! That did get commented on.

  10. I think you handled it well. I don’t eat meat or dairy and I get all kinds of comments. I have learned to just let them slide. It’s not worth being upset over and worrying about it. I order and it is a process, the kids make fun of me and it’s ok. they are all used to it by now anyway!
    .-= Feeling Fit With Dana´s last blog ..Food Revolution! =-.

  11. Your dedication is admirable! You sound fiercely determined to stick to your plan.

    I’ve found that sometimes its ok to vary from the plan if its something I want to enjoy. But where you were feeling pressured by someoneelse’s craving its tough. I think you should be proud of the decision you made, it was a different decision making process than you would have followed before and it won’t deter your long term goals for long.
    Keep on moving forward and don’t be so tough on yourself!
    .-= Meegan´s last blog ..Week in Review =-.

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