Don’t Hate Me Because I’m…

thin.  Or fat.  Or tall.  Or petite.  Or blond.  Or… any other physical attribute.

Prejudice, based on someone’s appearance, is an interesting thing.  Let’s start with weight prejudice.  Studies show that there is clear bias against very overweight people.  And I am sure some of you have experienced it.  The reaction can range from just a sideways look when you put cookies in your grocery cart, to a request for a new seat when next to you on an airplane, to not hiring you for a job.  But weight bias goes the other way too.  Against thin people.  Sometimes we look at them and hate them for being what we aren’t.  We curse the genetic lottery that surely graced them with the fast metabolism that we lack.  Or we assume they can’t have any issues with food or struggles in life.

I’m short.  Does this mean I must have a Napoleon complex?  Tall people earn more money, are more likely to advance in the workplace, and are more likely to become President of the US!  And everyone assumes that just because you’re tall you must play basketball.

Do you look at a blond woman and think she has more fun?  Or that she is as dumb as the classic jokes?  I’m a redhead… I can’t tell you how many times people have commented that I must have a fiery temper.  I DO NOT!  (Kidding.)  Several famous actresses have dyed their hair for roles – some go blond to get the sexy girl parts; some go brunette to get the serious girl parts.  Does Hollywood have it right that we can’t see past hair color to the woman inside?

And what about our biases based on how attractive (or unattractive ) a person is.  Many books are written on the subject of attractive people getting more in life.  Not just more money and better jobs, but even better service in a store.

Have you ever looked at someone and known you wouldn’t like her just because of her appearance?  Was she too pretty, too sloppy, too expensively dressed, too made up?  Did you get to know her anyways?  I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I look at someone and make a judgment.  Especially if she is beautiful and looks like she would have snubbed me in high school – a former-cheerleader with her designer jeans and purse, fabulous shoes, perfectly coiffed hair, gleaming white teeth in a tan face that never knew a pimple; perfect from head to toe.  But some of my best friends wouldn’t have passed my initial “first impression” bias test so I am learning to suspend judgment.

So please don’t hate me when I’m skinny.  Or stop reading.  Overweight or at goal, fat or thin – don’t think we can’t relate and share experiences because we look different.  The outside package doesn’t change the person on the inside.  But I sure am looking forward to the outer change:)



Filed under appearance, emotions/emotional issues, influence of others, Uncategorized

6 responses to “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m…

  1. This is so true. I weighed 290 at my highest…130 2 summers ago. It was crazy how differently I was treated. Weird really. Random men would hold a door open at the store, people would ask if I needed help if I dropped something….when I was 290…I felt invisible. Now that I’m back up to 190 something, I am not getting the 130 lb experiences. However, it’s not like it was when I was 290 either.

    It’s shocking what people assume, because of a person’s appearance. One of my very best friends is blond, 110 lbs, and 5’8″. Yea…when I first met her, I was at my heaviest and thought I wouldn’t like her. She is the best and has NEVER once judged me for my weight, so I certainly shouldn’t have looked at her and assumed she going to be snobby.

  2. Great post. I think sometimes we (me) judge is because deep down, we are jealous? Reminds me of this tiny 90 lbs soak wet girl in my fitness class. She can really rock the entire class but I found myself getting super annoyed with her yesterday… why? because she’s petite and can kick anybody’s butt? It’s definitely jealousy on my part!

  3. Sunny

    Part of the human condition, I guess. It’s how we control/temper it that defines US as human beings. 🙂

    And….our blogs perhaps started out as weight-loss blogs, and we’ll always keep that front and center as we move into and through maintenance, but we’ve become friends. Or are becoming friends, and that transcends our weights. 🙂

  4. Wow! Great post! I wholeheartedly agree with you. Most people do have inner prejudices, some of which, we may not even be aware. I can relate because I remember one incident in particular when I made the “assumption” that I wouldn’t like someone because she was skinny, expensively-dressed, and perfect-looking. We were pledging the same business fraternity in college, so I was forced to get to know her and guess what? She was a sweetheart! She never treated me like I was any different from her or her friends. When I realized that, I was ashamed that I had allowed stereotypes and assumptions to rule my opinion. It makes you wonder, how many great people do we miss out on because of pre-conceived notions? Thank you for posting this; you are articulate and positive, and I will keep your message in mind when forming my opinions of others.

  5. I’m glad you liked it ladies. I think that we all probably have more personal biases than we even realize.

    And I have to say that I agree with Sunny – I really do think of so many of my new internet friends as just that – Friends. Some of you know more about me already than people who have known me for years! The power of blogs and the internet and opening ourselves up.

  6. I too think it is a great post. I know I felt judged at both ends – heavy and not. And I too sometimes judge people based on their appearance and I have to remind myself not to.

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